Coping with the Death of a Child
by Peggy Sweeney
Peggy Sweeney
It is not unusual or abnormal for people in the emergency response community to experience many different emotions and feelings in their day-to-day lives. The traumatic calls they respond to are, at times, overwhelming. Research shows that many of these professionals experience nightmares, depression, substance abuse, or strained relationships with family members or friends as a result of recurring trauma and the grief it causes.
Grief touches our lives following many different types of loss. At times, it may shake the foundation of our very existence causing us to question our spiritual beliefs. Grief releases many emotions we would rather not feel: deep pain, overwhelming sadness, emptiness, guilt, anger, or a sense of failure. Everyone responds to grief differently. No two people will react to a shared grief experience the same way. Read more
Emergency Personnel Put Their Mental Health on the Line
by Larry Cornies
Reprinted with permission of the author
MVA, Houston, TX, November 2, 2005
Talk about a fast response time.
Reaction to last week’s column about the dangers faced by first responders to accident and disaster scenes, such as the horrific crash in Hampstead, Ontario, that killed a London trucker and 10 migrant workers, has been especially strong.
There’s no doubt that firefighters, paramedics and police officers take extraordinary risks in helping the rest of us deal with dangerous and sometimes life-threatening events. What’s equally clear, however, is that they risk far more than just their physical safety as they do their jobs.
Post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and even suicide are very real and vastly underappreciated threats to the safety and careers of our first responders. And it’s time the rest of us acknowledged it, de-stigmatized those conditions and gave front-line staff better tools with which to cope.
My Greatest Fear Was Failure
by James Livingston
Detective, City of Saginaw (MI) Police Department
Editor’s Note: Last month, we featured a story about the murder of Vince Sanchez’s daughter: I Was Not Able to Protect My Daughter
I asked if anyone from his department would like to share their story of how this death changed the dynamics of being a police officer that day. Here is one of those stories:
Peggy, it sounds like a very interesting and much needed thing for the law enforcement community.
As an officer for the last 20 years, I must admit, I have seen, heard and done a lot and have chosen to forget most as a form of coping. If you will, I have attempted to separate certain realities to decrease the impact it may have on me or my ability to function as an officer, husband, and father.
10th Anniversary, a Tragic Story (emergency responder/bereaved father)
by Tim Trickey
Captain, AEMCA
Advanced Emergency Medical Care Attendant [Paramedic]
Natasha Tricker and Dad (5/5/89 - 9/6/2002)
Editor’s Note: Tim wrote this article for our Grieving Behind the Badge newsletter to help emergency responders cope with tragic calls, but most importantly, to share how he copes with depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
I was asked by a very dear friend of mine that has helped me through some very difficult years, to tell you about my daughter, Natasha.
I am a Paramedic in Ontario, Canada. Some of you may have been in the Kingston Area where I am still working. Ten years ago, I was the supervisor of a small, rural volunteer ambulance service that, at the time, had a call volume of about 500 calls per year. Like most, we hope we never have to respond to family emergencies. But like all small communities, it is usually someone you know, or in my case, family.
September 2, 2002, started like any other day; wake the kids up for school, have a coffee and give the “love you’s” and “have a good day at school”. I never expected that this day would be the last time I would be able to tell my daughter, Natasha (13), “Love you and have a good day”. My daughter had an appointment that day and was missing school. We made plans to get together after her appointment to have lunch.
Hey Chief, Are You OK?
by Deputy Chief Robert R. Devonshire, Jr.
Strasburg Fire Company #1 in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.
Deputy Chief Robert R. Devonshire, Jr.
Since October 1985, I have had the privilege of calling myself a firefighter. This has afforded me many opportunities and opened numerous doors because of my involvement in this profession.
Over the years I have attended many hours of classroom and hands on training as well as accumulated a vast amount of experience. All of which is invaluable when it comes to dealing with the variety of calls we are dispatched to; such as crashes, fires, haz-mat, medical or other emergencies. We deal with them and make the problem go away. That’s what we do. But no one ever really teaches us about dealing with the mental beatings we take and how to cope with the disturbing things we see.
A Quiet Exit
by Bobby Bush
Bobby Bush and Daughter, Grace
Whenever I hear about a firefighter receiving a career-ending injury, I immediately wonder how that injury occurred. Did they fall in a floor-collapse during a fire? Were they caught in a flashover? Did a bailout go wrong? Were they in an apparatus crash? These kinds of incidents were what I read about daily in “The Secret List” emails from Chief Billy Goldfeder and his distinguished crew. I cannot help but expect these Brothers and Sisters were injured saving lives. After all, that is what we do.
In October 2010, I entered into the category of firefighters with career-ending injuries. However, mine was less dramatic. I received a hernia after carrying a stretcher for the rescue crew.
The worst part about the incident was that it was a sick call, an embarrassing explanation as to why I no longer do the job I loved. After all, look at the serious life-changing trauma, mentally and physically, that happens daily to public safety workers from all fields. How can such a trivial problem be such a big deal when firefighters who were at the Twin Towers are still with the FDNY?
Yet, this trivial injury was the first in a series of events that led to my decision to take my own life.
Firefighters Face Asbestos Exposure Risks
by Jensen Whitmer
The Mesothelioma Center
Often the first responders following any disaster, firefighters encounter a number of hazards in their line of work. One that is usually overlooked is the risk for asbestos exposure.
Firefighters are one of the few occupational groups that still face asbestos hazards on a regular basis. This is primarily because of the large amount of asbestos-containing materials used in residential and commercial construction before the 1980s.
When firefighters answer the call to a home or building fire where asbestos-containing materials have been damaged, they arrive at a time when airborne asbestos fibers can easily be inhaled.
What If It Had Been My Kids?
by Budd Dunson, NREMT
Fire Chief, Mineral Springs (AR) Fire and Rescue
I am a volunteer. I don’t say no often enough. I also get started on a project and want to finish it. I want to do the best job I can. This is my nightly prayer, “God, make me the best Fire Chief/EMT/Emergency manager I can be.” I have learned a few lessons over the years, but the hardest one I ever had to learn were my limits and those of other people.
Ten years ago, I lost a good firefighter. Not to fire or physical injuries, but to a devastating emotional injury. I was assistant chief at the time and the chief and I were out of town for a county Chiefs’ Association meeting. Our department was toned to a trailer fire and we heard the tones and traffic. Everything seemed like a normal response with a good save. Then we heard, “where is the baby”? Radio traffic became frantic and the chief and I left to go to the scene. It was a hurried twenty mile drive and the radio was going crazy with talk of a missing baby.
“Rescue Squad”
by Chaplain Skip Straus
Emergency Ministries
“‘…for I am with you to rescue and save you.’ declares the LORD.”
- Jeremiah 15:20(b) (NIV)
Skip Strauss
I believe that only two groups of people can really understand what a Rescue Squad does – those who serve on a squad and those they save.
Sure, others, especially fire/EMS folks, understand what rescue teams do – in a generalized sense. But, unless you have been there, done that, you don’t understand the amount of training, expertise and courage it takes to perform specialized rescue… such as; high-angle, low-angle, trench and structural collapse.
I believe a victim might understand, because they knew where they were and the life-or-death circumstance they were involved in. After all, they were the ones who saw the light on the helmet of a rescuer coming towards them in their darkest hour and heard a calming voice say to them, “I am with the rescue team. We are going to get you out of here.”
In our deepest, darkest hour… when we are in the midst of; a divorce, a death in the family, a financial crisis, a child has turned to drugs – when we need to be pulled from despair, all we have to do is send out a call to THE Rescue Squad. That call is prayer. That call is petition to the RESCUE CHIEF of all creation – to GOD. “Please, help me through this, LORD!” is the cry.
I Was Not Able to Protect My Daughter (child homicide)
by Peggy Sweeney
The Sweeney Alliance
Nicole "Coco" Sanchez 9/26/1999 - 4/22/1982
Author’s Note: Several years ago, a detective from a metropolitan police department sent me an email concerning the death of his 17 year old daughter. She had been brutally murdered by her boyfriend and the anniversary of her death was fast approaching. Vince was struggling with several grief issues, one of which was his perception that as a police officer he was unable to protect her and save her life.
With his permission, I am sharing my response to his email in the hopes that it will help bereaved dads, especially those of you in law enforcement and emergency response who may be coping with some of the same issues.
Dear Vince,
There are several things I would like to discuss with you. Please understand that what I’m going to say is not a criticism. I do not say these things to chastise you, but rather to help you understand some of your concerns, why you’re feeling what you’re feeling, and to help you cope with your grief.
We are dealing with several key issues. First, you are a man and therefore deal with feelings and emotions differently than a woman. Second, you are in law enforcement. This profession brings with it many issues that can, at times, compound your grief. For example, as a law enforcement officer, you have been trained not to show feelings and emotions. If you do express feelings (cry, have fits of anger, seem depressed, etc.), you may be perceived as weak or unable to handle your job. That is, your partners may worry that in a stressful or dangerous situation, you may fall apart and not be able to protect them. Trust is a very important quality to possess in law enforcement. You have been taught to take control of a situation—no matter how bad it is—and resolve it as best you can. Furthermore, you are very hesitant to share your feelings, thoughts, and stories of the day with anyone, particularly your family and friends who are not on the police force. The code of silence among your peers is very strong. If you do talk about things, it is with other police officers in a safe setting, often during “choir practice”.
Emotional Support for Line of Duty Death Survivors
by Peggy Sweeney
Funeral service for Worcester, MA, firefighter Jon Davies. Davies was killed during a December 8, 2011 fire after he and his partner went back into a burning building because they thought a tenant might still be inside. Davies' fire helmet is carried behind. (AP Photo/Steven Senne)
Local newspaper headlines report the sad news of another fallen hero. The tragic death of a brave firefighter who has died in the line of duty. A dedicated professional who sacrificed his or her life that others may live or that homes and property would be saved from the ravages of fire. Most people halfheartedly acknowledge the event while searching for more significant information relating to their personal lives; a baseball score, stock market figures, want ads, or horoscopes. This newsworthy article is often overlooked by the casual reader. Civilians cannot relate to this type of tragedy nor can they comprehend the depth of grief and pain that every member in the fire service feels. Their lives will not be changed by this tragedy. Unfortunately, this is not true for the family and co-workers of this fallen hero. Life as they knew it will never be the same again. Emotions run rampant and their seemingly normal lives spiral into a frightening and dark abyss where pain, loneliness, and grief are constant companions. Surviving this personal tragedy is, at times, almost unbearable. How does one survive? What lessons can be learned from these experiences?
Why is There Suicide in the Fire Service?
by Peggy Sweeney
The Sweeney Alliance
Author’s Note: I address firefighters in this article, but the information provided applies to any and all emergency response/services professionals.
Peggy Sweeney
Suicide is a very serious topic that we rarely discuss. Each year, thousands of adults and children either attempt or complete suicide to resolve problems or put an end to emotional pain. As a result of their deaths, surviving family members and friends not only grieve, but must cope with feelings of guilt, anger, and the archaic stigma associated with suicide.
Suicide is a major, preventable public health problem. According to the Centers for Disease Control(1), in 2007 it was the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S., accounting for 34,598 deaths. Men completed suicide four times more often than women at a rate of 78.8% of U.S. suicides. Suicide is the seventh leading cause of death for males and the fifteenth leading cause for females. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 25- to 34- year olds and the third leading cause of death among 15- to 24-year olds. One of the major risk factors for suicide is depression and other mental disorders, or a substance-abuse disorder (often in combination with other mental disorders). More than 90 percent of people who die by suicide have these risk factors(2). For every suicide death, it is estimated that an average of six family members and friends will experience the pain of grief; a figure I believe is extremely low.
“Suicide is the complication of the disease of depression. It is a complication because not all with depression complete suicide, but all who complete suicide suffer from some type of depression”. Sue Endsley; her son, Ryan, died by suicide at the age of 19.
